I used to hear that some older people start to talk to themselves– out loud. I didn’t think much about it until I began noticing it in myself. It started with a random thought to do something and I found myself saying out loud, ” I hope this works.” Out loud! Who do I think I am talking to? (Yes, I ended that sentence with a preposition which is against some English law of grammar. About that law Winston Churchill famously said: “That’s the type of stuff up with which I will not put.”)
Sometime this year, I gave up trying to control myself. I just give voice to whatever comment or question seems appropriate at the time. Today, I blurted out some expletive to this very computer and, of course it did not respond. One of my friends said that he likes to question himself out loud when he wants to hear an expert opinion.
I think I only talk to myself when I am alone in the house, but I’m not sure. no one has yet told me, “Do you know that you’re talking to yourself?” I guess it will happen some day. I’ll be focused om some thing I’m doing and say “I guess I’ll go over there.” A friend will say, “Who are you talking to?” (Churchill again) I’ll mumble an answer which tries to excuse the habit by saying, “I was just thinking out loud about this.” And, my friend would say, “Oh….”
Talking out loud to yourself reflects aloneness. There is no one else to talk to. (Winston, again.) Wait! I take that back. I talk to Our Lord out loud often during the day. I sing His songs for Him and praise Him out loud. Not that I am always assured that he is listening because I sing by Faith. He doesn’t talk to me in a familiar voice that I can hear, either. Instead there is sometimes a commotion in my soul that doesn’t echo what I have said but responds with a sense of His presence which in turn reminds me that I am never alone.