Are there just some things that confound you no matter how determined you are to control them? I have a project that I’ve been working on and it just will not bend to my will to get it done. I’ve tried DETERMINATION. I’ll stick at it until I get it done, I say. Bread and water if necessary, I vow. With my body rigid and my spirit in a coma, a squeeky voice from somewhere inside of me says BRING ON THE BREAD AND WATER.
I’ve tried WAITING. Waiting, like waiting for a seed to germinate seems the way to go at times. Maybe my project isn’t mature enough yet. So, I wait. For a seed to germinate. For a flower to bloom. A lump of crabgrass to appear on the parched lawn of my life. The ground is dry. I’ve prayed rain over it. Nothing.
I have searched for more information to find a deeper footing for what I want to build. It’s manure in quick
sand. From additional reading and pondering I’ve got a lot of stuff but it all just sinks into the swamp.
Sure, there have been snatches of inspiration like the sun breaking through the morning fog. But then the clouds take over and I am unable to see enough to build something beautiful.
By now you’ve guessed that I want to write something. I have an idea, several of them but they lie there like mismatched socks in the drawer in my head marked “work.”
It’s not that this writing project is more than I can handle. In fact, it’s to be short and sweet. The shortness almost comes, it’s the sweetness that’s missing. That’s why I was on my knees today. Not for long, but I thought maybe that’s what I have been missing, the prayer part. But, I can’t remember a job I have prayed more over than this one.
Inspiration does come from the Lord and my heart is in this. But I can’t find the excitement of how to do it, the “Aha!” factor. It’s strange feeling enthusiasm and futility. It’s humbling. I am not going to give up, though. Maybe, tomorrow.